Some might say it’s best to let “sleeping dogs lie,” but not Bonnie Wright. In her debut memoir, Diggin’ Up Bones: One woman's spiritual struggle and her golden retriever who leads her out of unconscious transgenerational shame, she confronts her own chaotic and abusive childhood with the help of a dog, Saxon. Saxon, who was dangerously aggressive in his early months, was rehabilitated with Bonnie’s help. And as she supported Saxon, Saxon supported her. The result is a painful yet inspiring story of faith, persevering beyond life’s obstacles, and overcoming shame. We recently had the chance to catch up with Bonnie to learn more about her book and writing process.
1.) Diggin’ Up Bones details the psychological and emotional damage you endured growing up. How has writing helped you process some of those experiences?
Writing my story over the course of twelve years caused deep introspection and research seeking reasons for walking through life with a heavy heart and a broken relationships. The process of balancing a positive outlook and internally battling the self talk inflicted upon me as a child. The messaging of invisibility, silencing, worthlessness, slamming against self- confidence. Being raised to believe the word curses of being stupid and berated. The counterbalance was having the messages of faith and all things are possible with God which lit my spirit to push through adversity. A belief that shame is not who I was supposed to be and I had a purpose as early as eight years old. Writing uprooted years of buried trauma. Having the courage to face its reality, using all senses we are given to experience it again, and God’s grace to move through it, forgive those who have done damage, and thanking those who have supported me, to let shame go.
2.) Your book also touches on the power of shame, and its negative impact on those who experience it? Can you share a bit about how to overcome those feelings that hold us back?
Yes. It is a spiritual struggle within that is not fixed by a therapist or drugs, it is a personal choice I made. Faith and believing in Christ sacrifice by accepting him in our hearts and a housecleaning of the heart and mind releasing shame’s power. During my spiritual search to heal, what I learned on this healing journey was the love of God and the Holy Spirit, my mother taught me as a child which anchored me through life’s dark desolate valley, lifting me up to a life of hope, internal peace, wisdom, freedom from anxiety, healthy boundaries, and joy. That inner small voice that protects us. It is having that one-on-one personal relationship with Christ through prayer that removes the heavy heartedness and living a life filled with promise and improved health. One may say religion, I say Christ who God sacrificed with his pure love for us and has the power to heal because of his blood shed on the cross. Once accepting that nothing in this world will fix the spiritual thirst implanted and believe, shame loses control. Life’s perspective changes and the past trauma is blinded and healed. Because living in a shame based home love and belonging were absent. We are all children of God who has given each of us a life purpose before we were formed. We are here to love, serve, forgive, be grateful, humble, and respond to people as Jesus would with kindness, and forbearance. We are here to be stewards. If more of us took that perspective, division and chaos would lose its grip.
Before we can heal we have to recognize and understand what shame looks like and how it has affected one’s life, and how it operates in each life and across society and government. First and foremost, fear. It holds the mind prisoner blocking out any positive input and is controlling, leading the victim to believe in hopelessness. It forces silence and early death whether through disease or suicide. It pits people against one another causing violence. It creates an unrelenting psychological abusive environment of chaos and anger. And when anger is planted deep enough shame is in control. Because shame is transgenerational, it is transferred at conception, reproducing another generation of dysfunctional homes, causing the innocent child to believe it their normal.
“Shame wears many disguises. It comes through in body language of finger pointing, blame, anger, and twisted another’s words, creating fear, gas lighting, name calling, rejection, degrading”
Shame wears many disguises. It comes through in body language of finger pointing, blame, anger, and twisted another’s words, creating fear, gas lighting, name calling, rejection, degrading. Belittling, control, sexual abusive, addictions, denial, mean-spirited pranks, manipulative, mind games, loves chaos and flies under the radar. Left to its own devices it presents with anger, bitterness, resentment, contempt and eventually disease of the heart, gut and cancer. One never considers shame with all of its disguises. That’s why it is an unconscious villain actor manically laughing at us.
3.) Your book also tells the story of your powerful relationship with your Golden retriever, Saxon. Can you describe a story in which Saxon helped you overcome some of the obstacles your book describes?
In the chapter called “Muzzled” is when I fully realized my childhood trauma, seeing him silenced wearing a black muzzle, depressed, hopeless, isolated as an outcast, pushing down the bitterness further within sliced into my heart and opened my consciousness and felt my conscience come alive. Love knows no boundaries and that was how I felt about him and the feelings were mutual. He would know joy if it took the rest of his life and the giving of my life to save him. Shame, anger, and stress took his life far too early, proving the detrimental effects that lead to chronic disease. Ultimately he succeeded showing me a hopeful path of life everlasting. He served his life’s purpose.
4.) Can you share a bit about the writing process?
Yes. The book evolved from a daily journal after Saxon died. The concept of book was there but the know how to write it was not. Doors opened to me of persons who could help me put logic and order to my journaling. I knew nothing about book structure or process, or what a book required to have interest beyond a personal journal. Much less how to write memoir or what the golden thread of Diggin’ Up Bones would be. The book title changed at least four times as the book took on its own energy. After working with three writing coaches and finally connecting with Marion Roach Smith, author and writing coach of the Memoir Project, Troy School of Arts, Troy, New York, I learned how to write my story and give voice to the core message. She deeply cared.
She taught me about book structure and gave me a process she teaches to all of her writing students... She has a very simple algorithm to follow. First, decide one aspect in your life you are writing about or the arc of the book. Eventually I discovered shame to be part of the main theme. But faith was a critical factor and so was Saxon. Saxon was the symbol of faith.
Want to check it out? Bonnie’s book is available at Amazon,
The Local Store, and at bonniewrightwrites.com